Wave

THE LONG GOODBYE today are 41 per cent worse off financially than young adults of 1976. In terms of relationship changes, there are two factors at play. Baby boomers who are now parents were raised in the sixties and seventies when many young adults were rebelling against the established sources of power and authority including government, employers and their own parents. They were part of the sexual revolution, women's liberation movements, civil rights movements and significant advances in technology and science. Their relationships with their parents were more traditional, with the expectation that when they turned 18 they would move out or move on. In 1981 almost 52 per cent of young adults aged 20 to 29 were part of couples compared to 30 per cent in 2011. Young adults today are more likely to delay long-term or marriage relationships and child-rearing, with the average age of mothers at the birth of their first child being around 30 years of age. Today, many baby boomer parents have worked hard to establish close relationships with their children and aren't necessarily eager to have them leave home when they turn 18. However, by the time parents are reaching retirement age, they often look forward to shifting their priorities from family responsibilities to their own personal goals such as flexible or reduced work schedules, travel or more leisure time. Changing dynamics in family relationships can lead to conflicts regarding issues like paying rent, who sleeps over, food, housekeeping, etc., which can become stressful and, at its worst, create lifelong resentments. There are parents, unfortunately, who are not so happy with their adult children living at home. In those cases, it is more likely that the parents feel that the adult child is taking advantage of the situation. The parents may believe that their adult child is not sufficiently goal-focused, meaning they don't have an eventual plan for moving out or the parents feel that their child is not adequately contributing to the household in meaningful ways. So what can be done to make the living arrangements of adult children living at home go as smoothly as possible? Family experts and parents who have been there suggest setting out some guidelines of understanding – the sooner the better. Useful guidelines might include things such as negotiating any agreements regarding shared costs such as food and toiletries. Writing down agreements and keeping track of financial exchanges is also key. Negotiate decisions regarding roles and responsibilities as a proactive way to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. Having a specific goal is helpful for both parties, for example, having a plan to move out when post-secondary education is completed. Parents with adult children living at home must find ways to adapt to the fact that their children are adults and no longer children. If you are a boomer parent feeling like you are getting boomeranged by your adult child, take a step back and clearly define what is not working for you. Honour your family members by having a frank discussion about how you would like to work together toward a comfortable arrangement that works for everyone. Discovering a new kind of relationship with your adult child living at home can be very rewarding as you see them take on more responsibility for their own lives and support them in reaching their personal goals. Laurie McPherson is a program specialist in mental health promotion with the Winnipeg Health Region. • An affordable, easy-to-use personal emergency response system • Receive personal emergency assistance at the push of a button • Trained professionals ready to respond 24/7 • Fall detection device available to be added to your system securtek.com • 1-877-777-7590 Video Monitoring Access Control Medical Alert Home Automation Security Feel safe and maintain your independence with SecurTek Medical Alert. Stay Independent. Stay Safe. SecurTek Medical Alert

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