Final Arrangements

JUNE 2015 • PAGE 10 providing affordable, personal& practicaloptions atyourtimeofneed &crematoriumatst.andrews Caringaboveall. 1.888.586.8044 204.582.0929 420AirportDrive,St.Andrews www.cropo.com ~FuneralDirectorsoncall 24hours/day~ By Wendy King For the Free Press t imes have changed in the way people grieve and memorialize the loss of their loved ones. some gestures and observances that were once the socially acceptable norm are no longer preferred, and new conventions are being created, especially with the growth of social media. Chad Wheeler, general manager at Wheeler Funeral Home, has seen many changes in the 25 years he's worked as a funeral director and licensed embalmer. "It's a different atmosphere," he says. "People seem to prefer a celebration of life rather than traditional or religious funerals." that piece of information, knowing what sort of observance is planned, will help to guide mourners. so the first step with regard to funeral etiquette, is to carefully read the published obituary so you know what to expect. "I know the public sometimes has a hard time with that, because they come in wondering when the service is going to start," he says If you see "celebration of life gathering" or "celebrating someone's life over refreshments" that means there is no funeral service. a fellowship- type gathering might be as simple as people sharing refreshments and stories or some might incorporate a slightly more formal social time with selected speakers. Wheeler says he's seeing many more people using social media as a means to communicate information around loss. "It seems like online tributes have kind of taken over — which is good and bad." the positive side of social media is that people can quickly share information with others and have space in which to express their feelings and condolences. For some, it provides an opportunity to craft a creative tribute that might not have another forum. the down side is that the information shared, such as time and place of the service or gathering, isn't always correct. "that is a hindrance because it can confuse the public," Wheeler says. "It's really best to let the funeral home handle that." If people have questions or need clarification on a service, they should contact the funeral home, as well. "at our funeral home, we have a website with the individual's name and service details, and if there is a change in venue we always update our website," He says many families have expressed deep concern about postings which are inaccurate or which overstep appropriate social boundaries. "You'll see posts that refer to suicide and it's not correct, which is very hurtful to the families. so I always tell people, don't assume. If you really want to know, it's best to ask the family." and even if you are correct in your assessment, he says it's simply not right to post these things. "It is imperative to maintain the dignity of the deceased." Once the news of a death has been shared, friends and colleagues want to share their condolences in the most sensitive way possible. Wheeler says one approach is to contact the funeral home and ask what needs or preferences the family has expressed, especially when it comes to gifts or donations on their behalf. a properly directed gift to a specified charity, for example, might be the best offering to the living memory. "It's fine to give your condolences and offer help, but a lot of the time, families also need some private time to digest what has just transpired." It is also best to be prompt with cards and letters. "People sometimes think they might send it later, but the day of the funeral is the day of closure," he says. "near the anniversary, if you send a "thinking of you card," that's nice, but a sympathy card a year later is not appropriate." Once those gestures of condolence have been made, the family will also want to share their thanks with their friends and community in a timely manner. Wheeler says that whatever is comfortable for the family is fine, but again, sooner is better than later. "I know that in most cases, right after the funeral, they're usually handling the estate, so I think they should try, within a month or two, to have thank-you notes out." People should feel welcome to seek assistance from the funeral home as a resource. after all, the family has secured them for their expertise in handling the funeral and as a resource for the community that is mourning. tRansfoRming tRaditions guidance foR modeRn-day mouRneRs "Honouring Life" SOBERING FuneralChapel&Crematorium ServingBeausejour&NortheasternManitoba On-Call24Hours On-SiteStateoftheArtCrematorium 268-3510orMBTollFree1-877-776-2220 www.soberingfuneralchapel.com CANADIANINDEPENDENT 412WardlawAvenue,WinnipegMB, R3L0L7 Telephone:453-6416 Fascimile:477-1379 www.vlehmanlawoffices.com VICTORIAE.LEHMAN LAWOFFICES Providingpersonal,effectiverepresentation andconflictresolutionservicessince1982. Family, Divorce, Wills and Estates, General Practice

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