Final Arrangements

2016

The Manitoba Home Builders' Association is celebrating 75 years.

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JUNE 2016 ❖ 6 A R R A N G E M E N T S By Jennifer McFee for the Free Press W ith a positive and personal focus, celebrations of life are gaining esteem as alternatives to formal funerals. For Karen Leggat, co-owner of Cropo Funeral Chapel, celebrations of life offer an opportunity to get together and remember an individual. "It's paying tribute to the person that has lived with the focus on commemorating their life as opposed to focusing on the sadness and death. It's extremely important to share that collective grief and support one another," she says. "Many people are moving away from traditional, sombre thinking and moving towards a unique service that might be more reflective of that person and their family." Personalized approaches can express individuality, paying homage to a person's favourite music or hobby, she says. "There are many different ideas like having everyone arrive in a certain colour or with a favourite team jersey on. Often there will be golf clubs, gardening tools, a baseball glove up at the front — different things that make you remember who that person was," Leggat says. "Video tributes can also be really meaningful for families. When you see pictures and music put together, that can be something that can evoke a lot of emotion." As baby boomers age, many of them view celebrations of life as a meaningful way to honour a loved one, she adds. "As a society, people are moving away from more traditional church services but they still want to do something that has meaning for them. More and more, baby boomers are finding a way to do that," Leggat says. "Frequently, family members come in with different ideas, and we can help them to solidify a plan and bring it all to fruition. There are so many decisions to make at a time when you're feeling confused and your thoughts are all over the place, but there are people who can help with the planning." As general manager of Voyage Funeral Home, Mike Vogiatzakis has staff members who specialize in celebrations of life. "They'll go to a person's house and find out about the life they lived and the things they accomplished and the family they grew," Vogiatzakis says. "A celebration of life is a really good way of remembering that person and laughing and thinking about the good times you had with them." Some families choose to honour their loved ones through individualized urns, such as a tackle box for a fisherman, a customized paint can for a painter, or a Tim Hortons canister for a coffee enthusiast. "There are so many ways of celebrating a life — but I always recommend to families that they do celebrate a person's life," he says. "You have to celebrate the fact that the person was here." With something for everyone, venues can vary from churches and funeral homes to backyards and golf courses. "A funeral home should be there to assist you to remember your loved one the way you want," Vogiatzakis says. "I think that's why you go to a funeral service — not only to acknowledge that the person's passed away and offer your condolences to the family but to share a few laughs and a few memories that you can keep with you." At the same time, Rabbi Alan Green of Shaarey Zedek Congregation notes the importance of experiencing emotions of loss, pain and separation. "The Jewish ritual actually brings that to the fore because they want to be very honest in how we face the death of a loved one," Green says. "In traditional societies, people exhibit their grief much more exuberantly than here in Canada. They're not ashamed to shed tears or even wail loudly in public, and I think that is a healthy response. We have our cultural norms here, but it's a situation where the loss is profound and it shouldn't be glossed over." Within funeral rituals, eulogies can offer opportunities for personalization, he adds. "The intent is not to give an exhaustive biography of the person but to touch upon those aspects of their life that are going to trigger memories in the family and in the other mourners who are gathered. By triggering those memories, the process of comfort for one's loss begins," Green says. "The person who has passed away lives forever on the level of memory and feeling, and those memories can be called upon at any time or place. When you remember someone, you are actually making a connection with them as they continue to live on the level of eternity." ❖ A CELEBRATION OF LIFE Memorial service doesn't have to focus on sadness and death Rabbi Alan Green says a personalized eulogy can provide comfort for one's loss and help begin the healing process. "The person who has passed away lives forever on the level of memory and feeling, and those memories can be called upon at any time or place."

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